Why the Number on the Scale Matters
It was in the fall of 2018 that I began growing a tiny human. I found out I was pregnant at the end of October and looked forward to showing a baby bump as we prepared to tell our families around Christmas. I took pictures of my bump almost every week for most of my pregnancy, and by the time my son was born, I had gained around 35 pounds. It was a healthy number according to my OBGYN.
This is me exactly one week after Nico was born.
I hoped I would be one of those people who lost the weight quickly, and to my surprise, I dropped 30 pounds within the first week of my son being born. I was 4-6 pounds away from my pre-baby weight, and though I was still feeling fluffy around my tummy, I was blown away by the way my body was bouncing back.
At my 6 week doctor’s appointment, my OB looked at me and voiced a warning. “Many women who drop weight quickly after having a baby can experience issues with their milk supply.” She went on to explain how my body wouldn’t make milk for my baby if it felt it first needed to supply itself with nutrition. She described her own journey of breastfeeding and how HER doctor prescribed 1 pint of ice cream a day to ensure she was consuming enough calories. Holy cow! I had NO idea this could be an issue.
A grocery haul following my 6 week appointment!
Because I WAS experiencing issues with a low milk supply, I took her advice and upped my calorie intake. Though I didn’t eat a pint of ice cream every day, I DID buy plenty of granola bars, oatmeal cookies, gatorade, and other high-calorie snacks.
I put on 10 pounds.
It was an odd thing to look at the scale and feel good about gaining weight, but I felt like it was what I needed to do to provide milk for my son. Now 6 months later, it’s been an up and down journey of feeling at peace about the weight gain and feeling frumpy and fluffy all over. I’ve been so excited to get back to the gym and back to my pre-baby weight that I’ve recently paused to ask myself why. WHY is my pre-baby weight so important to me? WHY does the number on the scale matter, really?
Here’s what I’ve come to realize...
The number on the scale matters to me because it’s become a part of my identity.
I’ve previously blogged about the trap of putting my worth and value in the way I look, rather than who I am as a person. I’ve created an identity over the past couple of years as someone who’s thin, healthy, and hits the gym on a regular basis. I care about the number on the scale because I want people to think of me as someone who’s in shape.
The number on the scale matters to me because it impacts the way I relate to myself.
When I look in the mirror and feel frumpy, I lose some self-respect. I want to shrink and hide in my house all day, avoiding FaceTime, Marco Polo, and visits from friends and family. When I don’t like the image reflected back to me, I treat myself differently, which in turn changes the way I care for my son. I feel small and insecure, which doesn’t translate to a very enthusiastic attitude towards my baby boy.
The number on the scale matters to me because I feel more physically confident in my marriage.
This one is huge. Feeling fluffy all over doesn’t help me feel physically attractive to my husband. And when coupled with sleep deprivation, it can be extremely difficult to make the physical aspect of our marriage a priority.
It would be silly to say the number on the scale DOESN’T matter, when I’ve realized it actually does matter to me.
But now that I know WHY it matters, I can work to change the narrative.
This is something my sister told me that I’ve been thinking about quite a bit...
Beauty is a state of mind.
No matter what the number on the scale says, I can change the way I THINK about the number and choose to act differently.
1. Instead of letting the number play a part in my identity, I can choose to focus on WHO I am as I lean into this new season of motherhood. I’m very aware how much the role of mother is helping me grow as a person, and I can allow the heart of who I am to shape my identity rather than my outward appearance.
2. I can also change the narrative as I think about the number on the scale and how I relate to myself. Instead of thinking, “Sandi, you won’t be truly beautiful or truly YOURSELF until you hit your goal weight,” I can say, “Sandi, it’s the heart of who you are that makes you beautiful. In what beautiful ways is God growing me during this new season of motherhood? How does it make me feel beautiful?”
3. As I work to change the narrative in regards to my marriage, I can remember that beauty is a state of mind. It’s HOW I treat my husband that makes me beautiful to him. When I allow my identity to be about more than my appearance, I can feel beautiful in frumpy pj’s OR my best blue jeans.
It’s a crucial time in my life to take my thoughts captive and change the narrative about who I am and what matters most.
There’s a fine line between caring too much and caring too little, and I strongly believe the way I look STILL plays an important role in my life and relationships. When I take time to care for my appearance, I better represent who I am inside. And I can’t ignore the confidence it creates.
But when it comes down to the number on the scale, it’s important to understand the root of why it matters to me. When I make it about OTHERS rather than myself, the number on the scale matters.
Perhaps getting to my goal weight means I’ll be in better shape for my family and take better care of them. Perhaps it means I’ll have more energy. Perhaps I’ll have an ability to do more fun things with my growing boy and be more physically available to my husband.
The number on the scale DOES matter when my heart is in the right place. It doesn’t MAKE me who I am, but it supports who I am.
I’ve learned there’s a season for everything. Working out 3x/week at 5:15am may have been doable in the past, but it’s not where I find myself now. And I have to be patient with the process.
The more I understand the root of my feelings toward my post-baby shape, the more I can work on making it LESS about the number on the scale and MORE about my heart no matter what the number says.
How do YOU relate to the number on the scale? Does it send you into a spiral of negative emotion? Or reveal a heart condition that calls for truth and a new perspective?